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*Juana*
*loves*God and people
*dislike* People who are late for appointment without notification, People who are super calculating with things, People who just talk with no actions
*wishlist* To grow stronger in my Christian faith, To be a good testimony to others, To bring lost 'sheep' back to our Lord Shepherd Jesus Christ
*etc*
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[ Image @ Advanceanime]
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I'm feeling terrible now... Trying to hold back my tears... It seems so difficult to control your tears because I broke down twice on the bus while on my way home from school. Somehow, I think I'm reaching the breaking point. The point where I could no longer take the pressure or stress of school.
The start of this accelerating emotions within me is due to the news that I received from one of the tutors during lab session. I was informed that my lab report is not acceptable and was given a chance to redo it because it's a lab module and our grades are based solely on our lab report. She has been kind and gracious towards the students, giving us second chance to correct our mistakes before grading the reports. What put me through this agony and pain is that I don't see the result from my efforts. It seems like I've put in all of my effort and try my very best to complete the lab report with all the details needed to explain the observations and stuff like that. But then, it's disappointing to know that the lab report is not acceptable due to some reasons which I do not know yet. Today's experience just made me recalled some past experiences in which I put in so much time and effort in doing the assignments but get back average grades. It's like there's no result at all and it makes me wonder why I'm working so hard for in school... I mean.... I work so hard, expecting to archieve a grade that would match the amount of effort which I put in but the end result is so disappointing. Perhaps, I've too high an expectation of myself that I've created this pressure acting upon me.
Anyway, I feel like a nervous wreck now... Thinking of all the bad things that might have gone wrong for my lab report which made it unacceptable for grading... I've to wait till friday when I see the tutor about the lab report before I will know what went wrong.. Maybe it's due to my calculations, the layout, not enough references, no graphs to back up my data... My mind is going wild and crazy now.. I don't know whether I'm able to sleep well tonight despite the cool weather.
I feel so much like crying when I was on the bus alone... Wishing for a warm hug to comfort me, to tell me that everything is going to be all right, to tell me to be strong and not give in that easily to the pressure at school. Wish for someone to lean on and depend on.... I guess I need some time alone to cool down and think thing through because if anyone were to ask me what is wrong... I think I'll break down in tears.. The pressure is getting too great for me to handle..
Luckily, tomorrow is a free day for me... A day for me to rest and take my mind off school for a while before I resume the hectic schedule of school... Hope I can feel better by tomorrow... My moods and emotions in better control...
