Thursday, October 11, 2007
Disappointment....>

My heart was totally crushed yesterday...

I thought that my God has blessed me with the wisdom to do the much-dreaded test on the biophysical module. All along, I've been struggling with the module, trying so hard to understand the lecture. I thought that perhaps... I've finally understood the lecture but then, my doubts were casted upon me again. That terrible result on the test paper...

My heart just sank when I saw the result on my test paper... I've failed terribly that I could be the last student in the class, the worse performing student. Even my friend Zhiming asked me what was wrong with me. He knew that I've put in much effort for the test but the result did not show it. Upon seeing that result, I just lost my appetite for dinner. I just completely lost it... Have no wish to eat at all even though I've plans to have dinner after lecture.

At that point in time, I just want to be alone... I just went home quietly because I know that I can't be around with people at that time, discussing about the test or something related to studies. Boy... I'm glad that I went home alonely.. No one who I know goes the same way as me because my heart was so crushed that I kept talking to God while I was walking to the bus stop, on the bus...

I just kept on talking to him because I was so tired of end result from my studying... I asked God:" God, I asked for your blessing and wisdom as I study for my test. Help me get through this test for it is mentioned that " Ask in My name and you will receive".... I did asked but I did not received."

I just kept asking God the same question again and again that I just broke down in tears. My pride was put down and humbled before Him. The tears just flow even when I was listening to the songs "God of my forever" and "One life, One love"... At that precise moment, I felt the presence of God. It's like He's comforting me over the disappointment that I faced for my test.. I just felt better after that. Then, after some time, I heard Him talking to me...

God: "My child, don't worry about this for this is a test that I've planned for you. A test to test whether you will draw closer to me or be distracted by your studies"
Me: "Yes, Lord. I understand."
God: " This result is meant to humble you... Fail now and learn from your mistakes, use the experience for preparation for the coming exam"

I was like... 'WOW'...
God is amazing because He knows that I've come to a point when I've become proud in my studies because I've not been paying attention in lectures lately. It's like He has sent me an alarm bell for me, to awaken me from my senses.

He's saying to me: "My child, don't let pride overshadow your mind... Continue to work hard in your studies for you will be rewarded at the end". I truly understand now...
He's always there watching us and He knows when we are working or not... I'm so grateful for His words because it has caused me to draw closer to Him. I just realized that my quiet time with Him just get longer with each passing day. I never get bored from reading my bible...

I want to start on my fast now.. To grow stronger in faith and hold tighter to Him, never let Him out of my sight..

# posted by Just Me!! | 11:46 PM