Saturday, October 13, 2007
E3-E5-G3... What's next??>

Just came back from service....

Oh Man... I feel so refreshed after the service for I've been tired from the week of frustrating lab work and disappointments from differing expectation.

I really felt the presence of God that tears just flowed freely down my cheeks. It's like whenever I feel the presence of God, there's always tears of joy flowing down my cheeks. I know that whenever our tears fall, God will collect them in His kingdom.

Although this has been a rough week with difficult lab work that there was a point of time when I felt desperate, my God has revealed Himself to me twice. Once when I was feeling really down from the result of my mid-term test and twice during the service today.

The first one- He was telling me to be humble in my studies, not being arrogant that I've stopped paying attention in lectures and telling me to learn from my mistakes, preparing for the coming exam.
The second one- He's telling me to let go of the bitterness and anger that has been stored within me for about a year. Let go of the bitterness so that I could move on, allowing Him to do greater things in my life.

Perhaps not many people know about this.. But the origins of the bitterness that was stored in my heart came from my attachment last year. At that time, I was supposed to have my attachment at Pfizer for 6 months. I was happily adapting to the work life and environment there when out of sudden, I was told to terminate my attachment and leave the company. That really came as a surprise because I know that I've done a few mistakes when I was there. Mistakes which were minor... Such as not doing my house-keeping duties (That is because I thought it means keeping it clean and tidy which I did, but I didn't know that it includes checking for expired chemicals that were still in use. No one told me what was the main job scope of the house-cleaning), breaking glassware, "compromising" lab result (The trainer has taught me the wrong things which they didn't accept the explaination when they asked for the reason for cancelling the result).
Anyway, when I asked for the main reason which attributed to my termination, they said that I was a burden to the team and they can't accept the way I work. I was like.. "Huh?? My way of working? I've always been diligent. SO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY WAY OF WORKING". I knew that whatever defense I was putting up against was useless because they have decided about it. No matter what I said, they just want me out. But then, I know that it's due to some office politics that I was made the scape goat. I was so bitter against my supervisor and my team mates. I've thoughts of having revenge against them..

During the service, I kept having vison of my past internship at Pfizer and Pastor How was talking about how we should let go of all the bitterness and anger within us, accepting God and allowing Him to take control of our lifes. It feels like God is telling me to let go of the bitterness I have against that company. Maybe I don't ever talked about it but it has been at the bottom of my heart, consuming it with bitterness that I'll talked bad about the company at times. Now, I could finally be free from all the negative feeling, moving on with life.

I'm so glad for all the revelations that God is revealing to me... Prompting me to change my ways and character.. I love my God so much..

Right now, I've been moved to G3.. That's interesting.. So many changes ever since I first stepped into church.

# posted by Just Me!! | 11:42 PM