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*Juana*
*loves*God and people
*dislike* People who are late for appointment without notification, People who are super calculating with things, People who just talk with no actions
*wishlist* To grow stronger in my Christian faith, To be a good testimony to others, To bring lost 'sheep' back to our Lord Shepherd Jesus Christ
*etc*
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[ Image @ Advanceanime]
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I don't know how I'm feeling now... All I know is that there is this sour feeling within me, it's like the feeling of being betrayed that is causing all the frustration, anger and disappointment. The feeling is akin to the feeling when I knew that I was going to be 'expelled' from my industrial attachment company.
I just don't get it.... Why is it that when I start to get serious about the planning of the Taiwan trip, problems start to surface? It's so demoralizing and frustrating.. Firstly, the person who initiated about going there together suddenly backed out of the trip. It's so sudden that I felt that the world was going to collapse on me. It's like I've started to make reservation for the airfare, saying to the agent that there would be 5 of travelling but 2 of them would not be confirmed yet.
I don't mean to 'push' or force them into booking the airfare with us because they wanted to wait for any special promotion. All along, they have been telling me to go ahead with the booking for ourselves and they will just wait for the tickets, saying that: at most, they will fly on different flights and meet directly at the airport. These talks just make me uncomfortable because there is no committement and I'm afraid that they would 'fly kite' on us. I just can't believe that we were taken for a ride when all the planning is currently in process with bookings being made.
Suddenly, I feel like a fool... Being taken for a ride and going around in a goose chase. Now, there's only 3 of us going and I've the feeling that we might not be making the trip at all due to the likely probability of genders. Imagine... 2 guys and 1 girl going on a trip together.. Is that possible at all? Thought the girl will feel extremely safe with 2 guys but then, will the parents of the girl allow it at all?
Anyway, all I can do now is to pray about the trip and ask for direction from my Lord. He knows what is best for me though.
I feel like going to ECP now... To feel the breeze on my face and hair, to listen to the gentle waves and to touch the soft sand. To be able to cry out under the stars and let the tears flow down my cheeks without restricting myself. It seems like whenever I'm sad, I want to be able to escape to the place with waters. The sound of waters just somehow have the ability to smoothen my soul.
