Saturday, March 01, 2008
Roller-coaster emotions>

I don't know how to describe the way that I'm feeling now...

I've been in church for almost 6 months already and I don't know that many people in church. It's like I'm sticking within my own CG and some people from the same zone as me. I don't know people from other zones and even some of the leaders doesn't seem to know me by my name. I just don't quite like the feeling of someone from my CG is talking to me and he/she may just turn their heads around to start some small talk with some other people whom I don't know. I know that it's basic politeness to greet people and at times, it just make me feel a little leftout and alone. The feeling is especially more intense during the period of waiting for service to start and the waiting for people to gather for dinner. Everyone is off for their ministry duties and I'm left alone sitting there.

Based on my own personality, I feel it difficult to make small talk with others especially when I don't really know them. I don't know whether it's starting to become a trend but it seems like I'm starting to come at times, just before service is about to start and leaving when the service has ended. I guess I'm starting to grow tired of the waiting for others and my patience has come to its maximum limit.

I was like:" Everyone has their own 24 hours in a day, why should I waste my precious time waiting for others when I could put my time to better use like getting my stuff done?" At this moment in time, things just couldn't get worse. Being in my last sem in school, there's so many things which I need to settle such as my FYP report and the presentation, the process of job-hunting, planning of graduation trip for my friends and the graduation ceremony with its graduation robes and the invitation cards. There's so much things to do but yet so little time that I find that my patience is growing thin. Plus, with the closing of the term break, there is work that is snow-balling now, work such as revision for the coming mid-term tests and completion of the reports.

I gave up trying to wait for others to finish up their ministry duties and joining them for dinner already. As for the fellowship with my CG mates, I'll do that when I'm early in church or when there's CG meeting which I could make it.

I guess I'm feeling this way due to the mounting pressure upon me as the workload gets increasing heavy. Also, I'm a little disappointed that I may not be able to make it for the water baptism because it falls on a Thursday, my lecture day which starts at 6pm and end at 8pm. If it was planned at Pasir Ris, I won't be able to reach there in time unless it ends late at 11pm.

I hope that the emotions within me are just passing stages because I realized that I'm the type of person who needs someone to listen to all of my complaints in life before I can find the strength and energy needed to conquer the challenges and problems in life. Complainting is a way for me to re-think the problem and find new ways to solve them.

I need more faith to overcome the problems and challenges...

# posted by Just Me!! | 11:11 PM