Monday, April 07, 2008
God spoke to me....>

It's truly amazing how God used different ways to speak to me even when I'm spiritually deaf or blind towards His words.

I was reading my bible, doing my QT when there was a particular verse which somehow got 'stuck' on my mind. In a certain way, I was like mediating upon that particular verse.

Matthew 6:33
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all else will be given to you"

After 2 days of doing the QT and having the verse stuck on my mind, my CG mate- Xinyi was sharing with me about a verse which I could apply in my life. She shared the exact same verse which has been on my mind lately.

Then, during weekend service, the Pastor was sharing about the topic of financial- tithing and building fund. For the past 2-3 weeks, it seems like God has been speaking to me about the need to be more generous and not calculating with Him in terms of finances. Also, I've been struggling internally with this fear that I have within me. The fear of not being able to pay off my tuition loan without incurring much interest on the capital. In addition, I've grew up in a family where money can be hard to come by and the character of being thrithy has been incoporated into my personality.

Xinyi was telling me that I'm the limiting factor in God's blessings upon me.. It's like God wants to bless me but this factor of refusing to give to Him financially has limited His blessing on me. She was prophesizing that the moment I just give my all to God, seeking His Kingdom and everything, everything will just prosper.

I'm struggling internally.... Plus, as I was doing my QT last night, it seems like God has spoken to me once again.

Matthew 25:29
"For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him"

Thinking back of what has happened... It seems quite true..

Struggling and struggling.... There's this refusal to give up my finances to Him, this fear with me...

I guess I've come to the point where I've no more energy to fight this refusal to obey His words. I think I'm going to give in to Him, giving Him total control of my life and everything. I'm submitting myself to Him... In a way, it's like I'm rising the white flag, surrending everything to Him now.

I just pray that He will put a figure in my heart.. A figure which He wants me to submit it to Him and I will obey Him.

Just realize that there's nothing like obeying Him at all.. The moment we disobey Him, refusing His constant speaking to us, we feel drained of energy. It's like our spiritual growth has hit a platform and we are stagnant. That was what I felt last week, even though I was still doing my QT and praying but there's no progress at all.

The moment I start to obey Him, there's an increased in faith in Him... I love my God for trying to draw me near to Him, never giving me up at all..

# posted by Just Me!! | 11:22 PM