Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Overwhelmed...>

My soul and spirit seems to be flowing with my church back home because I received an email from Winnie about some of the updates of the weekend sermon and the things which my Pastors preached is exactly the same as what God has spoken to me on Sunday afternoon when I was at the club house, listening to the city harvest’s online sermon.

Although there is some time difference between Chicago and Singapore, the exact moment in which God spoke to me about the verse Psalms 19:14 was about 11-12noon in Chicago time which responds to Singapore time of 12 midnight or 1am. Nothing is impossible with God who strengthens me. God spoke to me about the need to control my tongue and the way in which I speak to others for I am a testimony of His glory and His witness. What I do and what I say has an impact on the people around me. I’ve seen for myself how some ‘Christians’ claimed to be a member of the body of Christ when their actions doesn’t tally with their belief. As what Pastor Tan Ke Peng mentioned in his sermon on engaging the society (a sermon which I listened over the internet, for I was hungry for ministering from the church body), we should aim to engage the society and from there, bring all the unsaved soul to Christ.

I was deeply impacted by the sermon by Pastor Tan for it further established the fact and truth that I should be a good witness and testimony of Lord Jesus Christ, being a true representative of Him on this world. Also, I learnt that ever since Jesus left this world, we are left with the authority of this world, having dominion over it. Since we are in authority of this world which Jesus left us, we are to bring Heaven to this fallen world and not further contribute to the sins in this fallen world. I need to rise up to the next level in faith to be a better testimony of His love, to show unconditional love towards the people around us. We have the social responsibility to help one another and obey the different civil laws that governs the society.

This sentence mentioned by Pastor Tan really left a deep impression upon me:

“We as Christians chose to obey the civil laws out of love while others obey the laws out of force. The first and utmost important commandment from God was to love our enemies and neighbors as ourselves”

Therefore, the most important aspect in life is LOVE…. No matter what we do, we have to do it out of love and not out of obligation. For God loves us so much to the point that He gave His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins; so that through Him, we are redeemed from sins.

LOVE….
Sometimes, it’s so difficult to love someone. Someone who is unlovable as what Pastor How said in his series of sermons on ‘love’. I find that I’m in such position now, especially in the case of my roommate. There are so many traits and behaviors, which she portrayed which just get onto my nerves; things which she has taken advantage of my easy-going nature. I find it hard to love her and I prayed that God will enlarge my heart, increase its capacity to love people like her. It seems like no one in the group likes to hang out with her because she’s always alone when we travel in groups to the attractions. The situation in the apartment is getting from bad to worse now. In the beginning, we used to talk to each other and hang out together in the living room; watching television and having our breakfast together. Then, in the evening, we will have dinner together in the dinning table. However, it’s not the case now. We are barely talking in the apartment and it seems to me that I could literally count the number of words exchanged between us using my two hands. Our usual conversation will go something like this:

“Morning!”

Then, we will each prepare our own breakfast and lunch together in silence, watch a little television before going off to work. Normally, I used to wait for her to finish whatever she was doing before we will head down to catch the shuttle to work. However, due to one incident, I was rushing her as we were running late then and she wasn’t done with her work that she called me to go ahead without her. Since then, whenever I tried to wait for her, she would ask me to go first. In the end, I will go off without her in the morning.
Then, in the evening, after we alight from the shuttle bus, I will try to make some small talk like commenting how the sun was so glaring and the weather was so warm but she didn’t reply me at all. The walk back to the apartment seems like eternity even though the distance is less than 100m. The silence was a little deafening and uncomfortable. The moment we reached the apartment, she would run off to take a shower while I will prepare the dinner. Our dinner will be taken in silence without exchange of words before we retired into our rooms.

Right now, I don’t feel comfortable hanging out with her in the living room when we are watching the same television program because there’s no exchange of words. My room is my sanctuary now because it’s where I can pray and dwell in the presence of God. The loneliness at home is unbearable when my roommate is around, much worse than when I’m physically alone at home when she goes out.

From tomorrow onwards, we will prepare our own dinners, no more sharing of dinner. I don’t know whether that is a good thing because it means that I’ve less to prepare since I’m preparing for myself only but it also means that lesser interaction time with her despite the desperate situation at home.

Oh God!!! I pray that the situation at home will improve in the way that there is no silence in the apartment. I pray that whatever barriers between us will break away and dissolved and that we will begin our communication so that I can build relationship and sow seeds into her heart. Perhaps God has placed me in such a situation as a test of my faith, to see whether I’m able to withstand such an ordeal. I missed the spiritual support that I get when I’m in church. Right now, I feel like I’m like the child of Israel who was brought out of Egypt into the wildness by Moses and complaining about the lack of meat and thinking of the rich honey back in Egypt when they were slaves. This is not a good sign at all and it will hamper my spiritual growth.

In this week, I will pray and fast…. I will embark on Daniel fast for about 2 days, praying for my roommate and my close friend right now. Also, for my Pastors and church friends. Most importantly, my family members. For that period, I will dwell in the word of God and His presence. I will focus on Him and His promises for me.

Sometimes I wonder why is it that Jesus doesn’t come soon for His second coming; to rapture us and relieved us of the many suffering which we have to endure in this world. Sometimes, the going get so tough that I wished for that to happen where I could be in Heaven with my Lord in eternity. A place where there is joy and abundances.

But then, I know that God is loving towards us that He wished for all of us to be saved before He comes for the final judgment on us; that is why He has not come yet. Also, He can’t come and take over the world any time, as He likes because he has set a covenant with the devil. Before God comes in His second return, the devil has control over the world. God stated that there is a time period in which the devil could control this fall world and if God could come and take the world from the devil any time He wants to, it means that God will go back on His words which God will never do so for He is always never unchanging in the past, in the present and in the future. So, we are subjected to the temptation of the devil while on this world. Therefore, we are encouraged to dwell in the Lord’s presence to protect ourselves from his attack.

Psalms 19:14
This will be my prayer for each new day…. To mediate in His word… Whatever that is in my heart shall be pleasing to God.

# posted by Just Me!! | 3:54 AM